A Few Minutes to Contemplate Who-I-Am

A pic that's been reposted
so many times on Facebook,
I can't offer attribution.

Good morning from your friendly neighborhood Panera Bread! I rarely have the opportunity to go out to breakfast by myself, and I even less frequently come to Panera when I do, so I'm really enjoying my time here this morning.  The sun is bright, the world is beautiful, and traffic is alright too.

I want to write a little bit about an aspect of deciding to join the Unity ministry that really, has pretty profound meaning for me.


I don't feel like I have to be anybody other than who I already am to be a minister with Unity.

I have given great consideration to being a minister several times in my life. I thought long and hard, did research, etc. etc. but inevitably, I had to say "No."  While other small reasons would crop up, the primary reason would be that it didn't feel right, because I wouldn't feel right. Because I do not want to change my outward appearance -- other people's experience of me -- for anyone or anything except me.

I refuse to have to act a certain way in public or dress a slightly different way, to put on a mini-act just so I can be seen as being an authority in my chosen field. I have witnessed so many Ministers doing this. They make it so it's a surprise to learn that they like things like Star Wars, because they put up this front of academia and starched shirts and intellectual pursuits.

I'm really smart, and I'm a heck of an analyst. I love to read! But I am so much more than that. And I don't care if you know it - in fact, I want you to know. I want you to know that I'm as fun-loving and fallible as anyone, and that I do not believe that having a Strong Inner-Life precludes all the fun of being a human!  I want you to know that I'm every bit as crazy as you think you are, and I Love You anyway, and the Whole World Loves You Anyway. So... why should I hide my wacky Doctor Who Facebook profile picture, or start wearing pantsuits? That is not who I am, and if Spirit demands anything of us, it's to be True To Ourselves.  That is the richest way we can Love ourselves, and from that, each other.

So yeah. I can imagine a future version of myself with light silvery blue hair (if I want it), and cute jeans, and Star Trek on the Netflix queue. I see myself still listening to DC101 (it's cathartic, just is) and reading some Lovecraft (I'll get around to it eventually hee!) and doing everything I want to do -- while being an ordained Unity minister.  Because I'll also be spending a good chunk of time, set aside daily, on my personal Spiritual Path. I'll be following my Inner Guide, and making a concerted effort to recognize the Inner Light in You, all of you, as much of the time as I possibly can given my humanity. If that means that I eventually stop wanting to dye my hair blue, then that will be the right thing to do at that time. But I'm not gonna be drab and boring because "Religion" says I should. Heck no, far from it!

I've actually realized, that by choosing this path, I finally have permission from myself to die my hair blue (almost. ALMOST.) I don't have to keep myself neutral and ready-to-mold into whatever other "good" opportunity comes along. I've been living life waiting for the next thing to come along, for a job or career that would suit my unique set of skills, talents, and dreams, and I've been so dissatisfied with what's been before me.  But I was always wanting to try one particular career path, and terrified that if I did, I'd (ironically!) lose my soul to religious expectations. I don't want to be a "career woman", and I don't want to be anything less than successful at a career. I am hellbent on being myself while I do it!

Everything I know of Unity tells me that they will not care if I dye my hair Blue. As a good friend told me, "It will raise some eyebrows."  Raised eyebrows is OK as long as there's no passive-aggressive b.s. accompanying them!  Yet I'm not ready to let go of being so neutral, so quick-to-adapt should an opportunity rise.  I'm waiting a few more days, doing a little more research, letting my decision continue to sink in to see if my Inner Guide, my intuition, sends me any warning signals. I am getting ready though.  I'm scoping out salons, picking out less-sensible shoes, turning up the radio....

Note: This post was written the morning of July 24, but I had to rush off to an appointment before posting it. =)