Seriously Fell Off the Wagon & Yet Life Goes On

I totally blew going sugar-free between last night and this afternoon. I mean, TOTALLY. I don't mean I added a touch of honey to a recipe (which I did do today but I don't have a workaround yet) but I mean I ATE SUGAR!!!!!!

So now, I must confess and repent my sugar-sins.

Sigh. This is so embarrassing! But, I'm people, you're people, and ultimately we're all on the same boat of life -- so I know that I'm far from alone in my personal transgressions and neither are you. This is humiliating, yes, but it's not like you've never done it before. I'm not trying to justify my sugar-sins here; I'm just being plain about why and how I can be so damn honest about such things to a wholly PUBLIC audience. Hopefully, however, my honesty will help someone.

Sin #1:
• I dumped a ton of Hershey's syrup in my coffee and in a little bowl of homemade trail mix last night. I can feel the fat rolls on my tummy, ugh.

Sin #2:
• I bought 3 candy bars at 7-Eleven with intention of eating them over the next 3 days.

Sin #3:
• I ate all 3 said candy bars within a 4 hour timeframe. No really. King Sized, each of them.

Sin #4:
• I added a 1/2 TBL of honey to my zucchini muffin recipe, after I realized I had already made the batter and don't have any applesauce to substitute in. I feel this recipe really needs a touch of sweet or it's too bland. At least these will be eaten over several days and shared with family.

I know why I did these things. I am stressed stressed stressed. This is in large part because I am battling a bad case of post-partum depression after the birth of my first child nearly 6 months ago. I'm between medications to treat it (side-effects) and it has been a horrendous experience. Add to that DC's SnOMGgedons and a small list of serious personal issues that have been plaguing me recently. I would have taken my "emergencies-only" prescription this morning (yes my PPD is that bad) but it makes me drowsy and I have too much important work to do today. So.... I ended up gorging on chocolate and sugar. (I have been so on edge that my husband didn't attempt stop me when I told him I was going to buy chocolate.)

What did I get out of it? Twenty minutes of perceived total control over my situation. A "break" away from it all. Honestly, today I was SOOOO stressed, it was *almost* worth it. But now I feel the after effects:

• I feel fat. Of course, I am fat, but I'm so very close to being only a little overweight.
• I have an ongoing low-grade headache and crabbiness as part of my ongoing sugar-low.
• I want MORE, except the thought of it makes my tummy turn a bit.
• My tummy is turning a bit.

God knows, I must have consumed 1,500 calories in processed sugary crap today.

Repentance is Possible. In the past, I would have been terribly upset with myself, and even fallen off the wagon completely. The thought is tempting! But no: I will join with those who've chosen to Make It and plod on sugar-free. Yes... I will be sugar-Free!!!!

By the way, I still plan to make snow cream. 29 inches so far this week and deepening.