But it's not a cold, it's not a flu bug that I'm aware of. It's just exhaustion with a couple other symptoms added on here and there, like occasional light headaches. I have a sleep test in less than 2 weeks -- boy, does that seem like a far away date (at the moment)! Two weeks! What if I'm like this for the next two weeks?!?!
....If I truly am casein intolerant, then if I was still eating dairy right now, I'd think I had a sinus infection. But I don't have mounds of snot and post-nasal drip since I went "off the cream-sauce", as it were.
Alternate Realities: Zuko's Illness
I am very aware that there is a another reason why my exhaustion may have intensified over the last 36 hours. I could be falling into a brief but intense period of illness while my body and the mental pathways of my brain work overtime to catch-up with the evolutions recently made in my spiritual and emotional lives, much like when Zuko falls ill while he realizes that he can choose NOT to live up to his father's expectations. Avatar: The Last Airbender really is quite an enlightened series!
This weekend has been particularly marked by moments of profound realizations, enlightened moments, Eureka! moments. I feel called to really start exploring the boundaries of my "idea" to see if it stands, and if it can help people. It has already helped me! My own perceptual lens (to use a term from Full Body Presence) has been cracked wide open a couple times this weekend.
Saturday night was full of intense thought and wonder for me. I wrote pages in my journal in a very short time, on topics ranging from infinity and alternate universes to the purpose of pain. It was a good night.
Sunday morning I fulfilled my regular volunteer duty as sound-person at the new thought church I attend. (I LOVE Unity!) Looking through the lens of the realizations I had made the night before, the experience of the service was more personal and powerful than ever. The words we say every week as part of the service were far more real to me than they've ever been. Once again, I knew that I was in the right place for me, for my spiritual development. And I could see how, if my idea helps me delve that much more deeply into my chosen spiritual path, then I have to continue exploring it and work on a way to present it to others. (I'm not ready to share yet, but I will be soon enough, in its time.) Then I watched several episodes of Through the Wormhole yesterday afternoon while I was too tired to do anything but recline on the couch. MIND blowing within the context of new age spiritual ideas! (Or rather, mind TRAINING, as the universe miraculously fits my current beliefs. Wow, can't avoid some of my personal spiritual truths now when the science supports them.)
Therefore -- Between rewriting my thoughts about personal safety and humiliation, to meditating on Full Body Presence, to mentally exploring the outer edges of the Universe and FAR beyond -- I've written a few new mental pathways that suredly do NOT match some of the longstanding energy patterns within my body. It's happening so fast, my body can't keep up. Hence, my state of sickness-ala-Zuko.
If you don't know the story of Zuko, here's a VERY short recap: He's a prince whose own father scarred and banished him just for having a personal opinion and speaking out of turn. He spends years desparately trying to redeem himself in the eyes of his father, a megalomaniac who could care less about his son. When Zuko starts to see that he is NOT the evil man his father is, that he can choose a different path -- he falls ill and wakes up a new man no longer bound to his past, free to move forward as he sees fit.
...Yet, Zuko still finds himself tempted by his old ways, and for a while reverts to his tortured, evil self. If I don't make a point of continuing on this journey for myself - of meditating, studying, thinking, growing -- I will lose my progress and revert back to the same old painful patterns I've had for years. If I don't allow myself the time and attention to healing, I never will. Old habits are awfully hard to break.
And so, here I am... exhausted, my tummy is a big black sore pit of voidness (it's where my old habits have balled up and trapped so much energy in the name of self-protection). My eyes are semi-vacant as my ego is trying to set up shop there, and skew my vision so that I am tricked into halting my progress. My legs are sore and resistant to forward movement. The back of my head is really, really heavy - I don't know what that's about, it's always been like that, but it's even more so now as I continue down this path. Having written all of this, I'm coming out of it feeling better in my head but crappy all over. Time for another nap?
Yeah, time for some more rest. I'm EXHAUSTED.
This weekend has been particularly marked by moments of profound realizations, enlightened moments, Eureka! moments. I feel called to really start exploring the boundaries of my "idea" to see if it stands, and if it can help people. It has already helped me! My own perceptual lens (to use a term from Full Body Presence) has been cracked wide open a couple times this weekend.
Saturday night was full of intense thought and wonder for me. I wrote pages in my journal in a very short time, on topics ranging from infinity and alternate universes to the purpose of pain. It was a good night.
Sunday morning I fulfilled my regular volunteer duty as sound-person at the new thought church I attend. (I LOVE Unity!) Looking through the lens of the realizations I had made the night before, the experience of the service was more personal and powerful than ever. The words we say every week as part of the service were far more real to me than they've ever been. Once again, I knew that I was in the right place for me, for my spiritual development. And I could see how, if my idea helps me delve that much more deeply into my chosen spiritual path, then I have to continue exploring it and work on a way to present it to others. (I'm not ready to share yet, but I will be soon enough, in its time.) Then I watched several episodes of Through the Wormhole yesterday afternoon while I was too tired to do anything but recline on the couch. MIND blowing within the context of new age spiritual ideas! (Or rather, mind TRAINING, as the universe miraculously fits my current beliefs. Wow, can't avoid some of my personal spiritual truths now when the science supports them.)
Therefore -- Between rewriting my thoughts about personal safety and humiliation, to meditating on Full Body Presence, to mentally exploring the outer edges of the Universe and FAR beyond -- I've written a few new mental pathways that suredly do NOT match some of the longstanding energy patterns within my body. It's happening so fast, my body can't keep up. Hence, my state of sickness-ala-Zuko.
If you don't know the story of Zuko, here's a VERY short recap: He's a prince whose own father scarred and banished him just for having a personal opinion and speaking out of turn. He spends years desparately trying to redeem himself in the eyes of his father, a megalomaniac who could care less about his son. When Zuko starts to see that he is NOT the evil man his father is, that he can choose a different path -- he falls ill and wakes up a new man no longer bound to his past, free to move forward as he sees fit.
...Yet, Zuko still finds himself tempted by his old ways, and for a while reverts to his tortured, evil self. If I don't make a point of continuing on this journey for myself - of meditating, studying, thinking, growing -- I will lose my progress and revert back to the same old painful patterns I've had for years. If I don't allow myself the time and attention to healing, I never will. Old habits are awfully hard to break.
And so, here I am... exhausted, my tummy is a big black sore pit of voidness (it's where my old habits have balled up and trapped so much energy in the name of self-protection). My eyes are semi-vacant as my ego is trying to set up shop there, and skew my vision so that I am tricked into halting my progress. My legs are sore and resistant to forward movement. The back of my head is really, really heavy - I don't know what that's about, it's always been like that, but it's even more so now as I continue down this path. Having written all of this, I'm coming out of it feeling better in my head but crappy all over. Time for another nap?
Yeah, time for some more rest. I'm EXHAUSTED.
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