So Afraid of the Sun

So very much has happened in the last few days, that in the few minutes of time I have right now, I wouldn't know where to begin.

With the amazing support of my amazing life partner, with whom I chose to be with everyday, I have taken some big steps in my journey. Explanations will have to come later. I'm still processing, and it will be a book to write it all down.

I understand now why these are my favorite words of great literature. For the past 30 years, I've played my part well - too well! Hid myself from myself! And warped it, and turned it inside out, so noone would dare believe these words could apply to me. But twist them and they do. Now... it's time to make some big changes in my internal landscape.

Henry IV Part I Act I Scene 2:

Henry V. I know you all, and will awhile uphold
The unyoked humour of your idleness:
Yet herein will I imitate the sun, 300
Who doth permit the base contagious clouds
To smother up his beauty from the world,
That, when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at,
By breaking through the foul and ugly mists 305
Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents. 310
So, when this loose behavior I throw off
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;
And like bright metal on a sullen ground, 315
My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I'll so offend, to make offence a skill;
Redeeming time when men think least I will.