Last Monday and Tuesday I was home exhausted. Totally fatigued, ridiculously sleepy. I may have had a bug on top of my sleep issue. Or, I may have been like Zuko while my body channeled some pent-up negative energy out into the physical world. I think it was all of the above, and both, and Yes.
Tuesday I could have gone to work - but I could feel, instinctively, that if I did, I would have compromised my ability to finish out the rest of the week without a significant amount of stress. I am SO FORTUNATE to have a boss who is all about honoring the body, and she respected my need to stay home another day. And wow, what a difference it made!
Tuesday was hellish. I had more energy than I did on Monday, but I felt like crap. Both days, issues in the material world were weighing heavily and needing my attention. And I could feel the energy of my body and spirit working overtime to process all my recent personal discoveries, many of which are recently relayed in this blog. That energy, that change, is what I most needed the time to honor. I know from experience that, when going through a time of personal spiritual change, if I don't take time to process it and incorporate it into both my being and my consciousness, I'll lose it and go back to being like I was before (and generally, once again, totally clueless about how I got like that. The ego loves a good cover-up!)
During those 2 days, I took time to meditate and go through the Third Exploration of Full Body Presence. That was pretty profound for me. I have so much locked tight into my sacrum, in the bones, that brings much tenseness and pain to everyday life. I started taking what I'd learned and working with the energy stored there, thanking it for all its done to protect me in the past and telling it that I really can handle it from now in.
It's so ingrained, it's going to take a Long Time to clear all this stuff out of my system. A long time.
My Idea: Learning it, Feeling it out, Using it
As I've previously mentioned, I have a spiritual idea that I have NOT yet shared with you. It's a big idea -- so big, I will probably devote a substantial portion of my life and energy to it. But before I do that, I need to learn it, live it, vet it out and see how it will best fit within all the modalities and philosophies and everything else already out there.
I strongly believe that as uniquely created individuals, our paths are all somewhat different. This idea is not for everyone. But it certainly is for me. As I work with it, I find my experience of the spiritual (as I perceive it) to be increasing manyfold. It's super powerful! During this time of personal change, however, it needs to be carefully used and implemented, or I could ruin my own progress (burn myself out as it were.) Which is one reason why I'm not sharing it yet. As part of my own personal issues from early childhood, I have to be an authority on anything I'm espousing (or at least, I have to honestly believe that any product I'm selling is actually "the best of its kind" -- hence why I'm such a crappy salesperson, generally.) So I'm not about to tell you what I'm thinking before it's ready, before I'm ready, as I am NOT prepared for the inevitable negative feedback that ALL ideas get from somewhere. I am TERRIBLE at taking criticism. To invite it on an issue close to my heart at the same time that I'm taking steps that will render me much better at taking criticism -- seems stupid. Haha!
All My Responsibilities
I am a Mom and a Wife and Daughter and a Person on a spiritual journey but I am so much more than that. So I chose to not continue excavating my internal issues on this blog for the last week so that I could honor all my commitments. I hope, this week, to get back to it. I'd start now, but I'm not prepared for the emotional waterfall that will come out of it right now- nope nope, this is a celebratory weekend with my family, it's time to go party for the Fourth of July!
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